高瞻：211徹底改變了我

大約在凌晨2點鐘的時候，我兒子安迪開始在睡夢中又踢又蹬並尖叫。我當時就在他旁邊寫作。我立即衝過去把他搖醒並輕輕拍他讓他重新入睡。我知道他又做惡夢了。他通常會在第二天告訴我他夢見了大老虎要吃他，或者老妖怪要抓他等等。可是今天是2月11號，我相信小孩子的靈性。我不用問他夢見了什麼。去年的這一天，他跟我們一起經受了一個5歲的小孩不該受的驚嚇和恐懼。他的惡夢和我自己的無數惡夢一樣，無論經過夢境如何的變異，會永遠地在我們去年2月11號的苦難經歷中找到原始的樣本和印跡。就是在重獲自由6個多月後的今天，我仍然很難測量2月11號在我兒子小小的心靈和我們自己心靈上所刻下的傷痕有多深。

2001年的2月11號無疑是我有生以來所經歷的最黑暗，最恐懼，和最難忘的一天。然而，2001年的2月11日卻是讓我驅除矇蔽，心智頓開，重新介定生活方向的一天。

「2.11」永遠地改變了我的生活。在「2.11」只前，我是個庸碌的學人，把與中國有關的研究當作職業的一部分，雖然勤苦地積累知識，卻不曾對共產主義和中共政權的本質作真正的知識份子式的追尋。現在我準確地明瞭我的學術方向和使命，決意嚴肅承擔知識份子對社會和學術的使命。在「2.11」之前我的政治態度曖昧，道德判斷模糊，現在我堅實地站在人道和人權的地基之上，決意勇敢捍衛人類的自由和尊嚴，尤其是中國人的。我帶著傷痛和不間斷的惡夢慶祝這個變化。我慶祝自己終於能夠超越一己私心從而認定並且堅持一個高尚的事業：爭取中國以及世界所有地方人的人權和尊嚴。

現在正是中國春節期間。中國的春節是家庭成員團聚的時候。可是我不能跟我的父母親人在一起樂融融地歡享人間親情。不單是我。在中國還有無數的政治犯，良心犯不能與家人團聚，只能毫無選擇地在陰冷黑暗的監牢裡浪費寶貴的生命。在他們中間，有66歲的方富明，已被關押兩年，渾身是病，兩次庭審，不判不放；曲煒，他的罪過就是認識並與幾個有海外背景的學者交換學術見解；牛津博士徐澤榮，獲罪13年就因為追尋一個50年前的歷史事實。在中國，每天都有人被非法對待，嚴酷逼迫，秘密審訊，送押遠地，在飢餓和苦役中「改造思想。」

還有幾天布希總統就要訪問中國。我想藉此機會向總統進一言：請布希總統把中國的人權議題放到你的訪華議程的最高度。請布希總統規勸中國政府：停止鎮壓異議份子，釋放政治和良心犯，還人民他們應該享有的基本權利，包括宗教自由，學術自由和思想自由。並請布希總統告誡中國政府，不可濫用美國的反恐戰爭在中國國內鎮壓政治，宗教異己人士和少數民族，製造國家恐怖。

我們今天聚集在這裡紀念一個特別的日子，不是為了發泄個人怨毒，而是為了要提醒世人尊重人的自由與尊嚴的重要性，以使更多的人參加到維護人的基本權利的行列中來，直到普天下的人都享有自由和公正。就我個人來說，套用國務卿鮑威爾的一句話，我永遠不會從這一目的的明確性上推縮下來。

英文原文如下：(chinesenewsnet.com)

Commemorating the One-Year Anniversary of My Detention:Gao Zhan(chinesenewsnet.com)

Feb. 11, 2002(chinesenewsnet.com)

At about 2 O』clock last night, my son, Andrew, started to turn, kick and scream in his sleep. I was at his side writing. I rushed to wake him up. I knew it was another nightmare in which, as he would later tell me, he was being bitten or swallowed by a giant tiger or some other fierce animal. I woke him up but didn』t bother to ask what was in his dream this time. I just know that part of his nightmare, just like mine, is rooted in and can forever be traced back to what we experienced on this day last year. Six months have passed since we have regained our freedom, but we still cannot fathom how deep are the wounds in the little mind of my six-year-old and or even in ourselves.(chinesenewsnet.com)

Feb.11, 2001 was no doubt the darkest, most horrifying, and most unforgettable day in my life. Yet, Feb.11, 2001 was also a day of eye opening, mind wakening, and the most important defining moment in my life. (chinesenewsnet.com)

My life has forever been changed by 2-11. Before the 2-11 incident, I was the everyday scholar doing research on China mainly for my own everyday academic pursuits. Before 2-11, I was an ambitious pursuer of knowledge, but I failed to engage in crucial intellectual inquiry□that of questioning the true nature of the Chinese Communist Regime. Before, I walked a fence wondering which way to go. Now I stand firmly on the ground ready to defend the principles of human dignity and freedom. Before, I was ambiguous, now I am clear in what I should do in the future. I celebrate the change even though it came with pain. I celebrate my own transcendence from the everyday mundane concerns about my own existence to that of identifying and embracing a noble cause of fighting for human rights for people in China and all over the world. I want to let the Chinese Communist regime know that I haven』t suffered this ordeal in vain: 2-11 has given me a new direction and a strong sense of purpose in my life. (chinesenewsnet.com)

Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year. This holiday is traditionally a time for family members to get together. But I cannot be together with my parents and my siblings to have a traditional Chinese meal. Not only I, but there are tens of thousands of political prisoners□prisoners of conscience□in China who are not allowed to be with their families. They don』t have any choice but to stay in their dim, cold cells wasting their precious lives away. Among them are: 66-year-old Fong Fuming who has been detained for 23 months, Qu Wei whose only crime was being friends with several U.S.-based China scholars, Xu Ze Rong, an Oxford doctorate who was sentenced to 13 years in prison for pursuing historical facts about China. And just days ago, a 70ish professor was removed from his home for publishing an academic journal addressing China』s environmental problems. Everyday in China there are freedom-fighting people being unlawfully treated, unjustly persecuted, secretly tried, sent to remote areas and forced to remold their minds.(chinesenewsnet.com)

In just a few days, President Bush will visit China. I have something to say to our president. President Bush, please put human rights high on your agenda when you meet with Chinese President Jiang Zemin. Please ask President Jiang Zemin to stop persecuting dissidents, to release political prisoners, and to give the Chinese people their fundamental human rights, including religious freedom, academic freedom and the freedom of thought. President Bush, please tell President Jiang Zemin that the United States and the international world will not tolerate human rights abuses in China in any form, nor the misuse of the United States』war against terrorism. (chinesenewsnet.com)

Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here today to commemorate 2-11, not to vent our personal sentiments, but to mark the importance of respect for human liberty and to engage more people in the noble cause of fighting for the protection of human rights until there is liberty and justice for all in China and in the whole world. (chinesenewsnet.com)

In the words of U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell, I will never shrink back from this clarity of purpose.(文章僅代表作者個人立場和觀點)